is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
