Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Farmville is her only friend.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
be right there i have to get my cape
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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