I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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