i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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