who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
