It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
