We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
