saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
