the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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