He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
