Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
