sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
false alarm. still invincible.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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