I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
