This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
