If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
smell my finger.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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