so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
