Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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