Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
