Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
