I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You can't special order awesome
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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