Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am midnight drunk by noon
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
