dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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