awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
