i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
