I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
