Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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