my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I wear drunk well.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
