Everything about him screamed your future.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
