she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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