Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
