he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
