I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
