I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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