6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
