Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
