My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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