he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
