i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
