Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
