I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
organizing the empties. That sober.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
