I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
