But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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