Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
