just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
