i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
