Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
