I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
