Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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