I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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