He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
